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Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in Wesley Wyndam-Price's LiveJournal:

Thursday, July 28th, 2005
11:35 am
Rude? Awakenings (for _reawakening
My eyes didn't want to open. They felt as though they had been sanded shut. My mouth tasted of ashes, and dirt. Upon taking a deep breath, I realized the rest of me probably wasn't on the high list for anyone.

"Damn," I sat up to a headache that had nothing to do with a hangover. I tried to remember getting home, and I wasn't even sure how I got here. I stumbled up the stairs and went straight to bed.

Wait.

Lilah was here, somewhere. She needed her wound checked. And I needed a shower before even contemplating such a thing, as I'd likely infect her with god only knows what.

"Lilah," I yelled, only half-sure she was still there, "I'm going to take a shower. When I get out, I think we have things to discuss". I finished undressing in my room, and resolved to burn those clothes. Somewhere away from other people, where it can't harm them, or the flora around.

I knew how many clothes I wasn't wearing, but the grime of the last several days seemed to cling anyway.

I walked to the bathroom, didn't care if Lilah could see me or not. Frankly, I didn't give a damn.

Turning on the water seemed like a sensual process, getting the water to the right temperature, which at this point was as hot as I could stand it.

But stepping in, letting the water cascade over my body, causing all the scrapes and bruises to sting, reminding me that I was alive. And that I'd move on from this to yet another hard time. That's all my life really was, a string of hard times. None meant to be missed, but all wanted to be wished away.

Once the water ran clean, I let myself out of the shower.

(open to Lilah)
Sunday, July 10th, 2005
1:15 pm
Everyone was out books_and_tacos
Except for Harmony. And she wouldn't care, and would help me.

"Harmony, while Angel is out, I require some help." I told her the supplies that I needed, and to meet me in my office. She smiled, and was glad to. I think Angel was under-utilizing her. And after she brought me the stuff, she headed off to help Gunn "talk" to Knox.

I set up the candles in a circle around myself, plus one in the middle, next to the Dyorshian Principles, which happened to hold the spell I needed. I used sage to take out the influences, and bad anything around the office, then use essence of penny-royle to begin the process.

The words were in an ancient demon language. So it wasn't Latin, but it would do.

"Hrgn lasgon friel sti
calbe star illian secutna
frier falltion savion sty"


After the words were said, the Demon Illian appeared.

"I implore you, please take that which was giving to Winifred Burkle," I held up a picture, "and put it into myself. She is too worthy of this world to be called out of it."

The demon laughed. He knew what was wrong with her. And he laughed.

"It shall be done. Think you'll survive, human?" The voice was loud, and booming. Lighting crackled around him, and his essence was gone. Suddenly pain racked my entire body, and I couldn't believe that Fred had suffered this badly, or even that we'd allowed her to suffer anywhere near this much. I had barely enough breath to blow out the candles before I fell backwards from my kneeling position. Once there, I wasn't able to move.

It was all encompassing. It hurt, it pushed on my chest, and felt like something was being ripped from me.

"Fred..." All I could do, was hope she was doing better now.
Thursday, May 5th, 2005
11:41 pm
No! books_and_tacos
I could not allow it. Not not, not ever! Well, many years anyway.

My Winifred was not going to die. I was not, by god, going to stand idly by, and watch it happen.

"Damn it Angel, we have to do something!" I slammed the useless book down on the desk. It had no answer in it, no description of what happened after she touched the...thing in the lab. No idea what a "qwahazan" was. Angel looked at me, then grabbed me by the shoulders.

"Wes, this isn't the way to help her. I know you love Fred. We all do," there was a murmur of agreement in the room, from everyone, including Spike, "We will find the answer." I stared into his eyes. And I was afraid. She couldn't die on me, she just couldn't.

Angel started to talk.

"Spike, you and I will head to the well of souls. There may be the right answer there. I saw it in a book. Next to the word "qwazhzon", though not exactly the same as what Wes here had found. Gunn, you and Lorne scour the lab. Look for any evidence. Ask Knox. Get him to tell you anything he knows." Angel looked at the two men, "I don't care how you do it it."

"What about me," I whispered, though it was loud enough to be heard above the din, "what shall I do?"

"Wes," his voice held pity, and that I did not want! I wanted Fred back. Whole. Safe. And in my arms.

"Wes," he said again, "I want you to keep researching. Try going down to records, and looking up anything you can on this. And, make sure you see Fred often, and reassure her. You are her rock. You must be strong."

Angel was right. I had to be strong, if we were both to survive this.

"You're right." I grabbed my coat.

"First stop, Fred." I headed out the door and to the medical area. It was better than any hospital.

We'd find the cure.

We had to.
Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
9:00 am
Macaronni and Willow the_bronze
We sat in the living-room, watching TV and eating in silence. I stole several glances her way, only to find Willow looking back at me. She is so beautiful, so wonderful. And the darkness that had been holding my heart and soul down was lifted, softened somehow. I found something better than the darkness, better than death an destruction.

"Willow I..." I couldn't find the words. Sometimes, words aren't enough when it came to feelings, emotions like this. She made me catch my breath, a sharp pull in my chest, as though my heart beat for no one else. I hadn't felt this way since...well, since Fred and I had a chance. One that never panned out.

I took a deep breath, and said it again.

"I love you Willow. And I vow, I will do everything in my power to see you and keep you happy." I smiled at her.

"And if that means getting you out of that damned contraption, I'm willing to find a way to do that too. I would bet, with Tara, you, perhaps Giles and myself, we'll have you up and walking pain free in no time." I didn't mention what else she could be doing pain free, with me.

Even the thought made me blush. And I don't blush easily. I turned away quickly, feeling like a cloddy, second year. And after the wonderful kiss in the kitchen too.
Monday, March 28th, 2005
4:59 pm
Work? books_and_tacos
I watched Fred walk away, and my eyes followed her down the hall. Well parts of her. She was so lovely, all of her. I sighed, and turned my eyes back to the scroll I'd been trying to unravel. It wasn't in the tradition Latin, Summarian, or even a mixture of Sumerian and Tundrian like I first thought.

Instead, it seemed to be a composite of Latin and something else. A demon language to be sure. So far, the words I'd been able to unover were "souls" and "trees". Not much to go on. Something was fortold. Then again, isn't always. Like Fred's eyes, these things can go on forever, a deepening liquid pool of..

What was I doing? Oh yes, the scroll. I scribbled "soul" and "tree" then started trying to invert the language, hoping that perhaps some of it were in a code that used the transposition of lettering.

"kwhazan"

That was what the letters added up to in English, but still, no word that I'd ever seen. It might have been "quwh..." also, those translations can be tricky things. And it didn't matter. Neither were words I had any clue about.

Looking up, it was a quarter to 12. I had bee after this one word for hours.

Didn't know about anyone else, but I needed a break. I picked up the phone, and dialed the lab from memory. Perhaps Fred would fancy a bite out.
Tuesday, February 15th, 2005
11:34 am
4 Days later the_bronze
Four days in the hospital
After Xander left, I'd asked a nurse to call my apartment. I couldn't talk to her yet. After all, I'd lied to her, to keep her away from Angelus. But I would have done anything to keep her safe. It wasn't just...emotion. Willow had been through far too much. She deserved better than to have to face him.

And as I pulled on my dirty clothes from that night, I thought maybe she'd be better off than to have to face me. I was afraid, very much so. Maybe she and Tara left my apartment. Maybe Willow left and isn't going to come back. I would deserve it.

A small moan escaped his lips as he pulled on his dirty jeans and tried to put on his shoes. The cut had been debreeded and cleaned, as well as re-stitched up, but the bruise all around that leg made movement hard. But not impossible

"Nurse!" I called out into the long hallway, to hear the clack of shoes answer my call.

"Yes Mr. Price?" I winced, why did some people have such a hard time with hyphenated names?

"Dr. Suvari said I could leave today. I would like to finalize the paperwork, and call a fr..taxi to go home." I didn't know who to call. I hadn't seen Faith, but I didn't think she knew where I was. Willow knew, but getting here wasn't easy, and I didn't expect her. I didn't expect Angel to call, and say "Hey, thanks Wes." Xander disappeared, which is too bad. We could have been friends, him and I. Perhaps we still can, if he returns. And I couldn't call Gunn.

No good reason, I just couldn't. So taxi it was.

I signed my name on the dotted line, and made my way, limping slowly down to the cab. I gave him the address and sat back. It seemed odd, the windows around seemed a light, receding blue. Like they'd been painted for a few days, and now their color was returning. Or was that lack of color?

Chuckles to himself "It could be worse, Wes ol' boy. No one tried to slit your throat or smother you this time."

I wished I believed that. I paid the man, and made my way slowly up the stairs. I was carrying nothing more than the book I'd taken to the park on that fateful day.

I put my hand on the cool metal of the door, slowly deciding if I should open it or not. I hadn't been nearly as afraid when faced with Angelus as I was now. Turning the knob, I called out softly, "Hello? Anyone here? Willow?" And took that first step into whatever awaited me.
Tuesday, July 6th, 2004
1:50 pm
Need to cut back...
Okay, I'm not sure how many can see this, so I'll put it up on my most used characters and my own journal (hence, it goes on Gunn first).

I'm over-extended. I love playing with all of you guys, and hate to let anyone down.

So here's the 411: I know for sure I'm staying at sunnydale_90666, uc_sunnydale (where I'm not actually Gunn), uc_at_sunnydale, angel_afterlife and nthelater.

Now, I need suggestions of where people really want me to stay, and where I can be either replaced, or come back when things aren't so hectic. Thoughts? Ideas?

Thanks

Gwen/Gunn/Giles/Wesley/Maggie/Joyce/Anne/Willow/Lindsey and whomever else..
Monday, June 21st, 2004
12:06 pm
I just shook my head
"I can't believe the two of you. Who's going to go after, if I don't come back?" They looked resolute. Great. No fighting with Fred. And fighting with Gunn would be useless.

"Fine, but we go loaded to the teeth, and if either of you get seperated from me, keep going. If what I'm planning doesn't work, it could well get me killed, understand?" Gunn gave me the slightest of nods.

I muttered, pretty much non-words, and turned to leave the room. I made sure I had everything before walking out the door. I was already very (how many of those can I used) pissed that Cordelia, Faith, and little Dawn had decided to go on their own. I didn't want to bury any of them come morning either. In fact, if possible,I didn't even want to inturn an urn either. I really did think Cordelia knew better.

"Are you ready?"

"Yo, bro, give us a break okay. He's our friend too." Gunn's voice sounded a little muffled, he was half way in, half way out of the weapons cabnet.

"I know that." I wouldn't fight this anymore.

"Willow had mentioned, way back when, a warehouse. She gave me directions. It's said to be burnt out, but there are several other's in that area of Sunnydale. With luck, (or without, I thought to myself bitterly) we'll find them there. I don't care what you or anyone else does to Drucila or the other vampire we heard of (I think). But we want Angel alive..er..you know what I mean. I want the chance to re-ensoul.

"And I have to other possiblities if this one doesn't work...after that, or if I die, he's dust. Well," I reconsidered, "Fred, you or Willow should be able to do either of the other two rituals." Up 'til that time I'd said magick. It was more than that.

It took a ritual to give him a "permanent" soul, it'll take one to give him back his cursed one. I took a deep breath, and for some reason thought of those curls women (and some men) sometimes got called "permanents" that never were...

"Let's go." I opened to door, and headed to the elevator and out of the building, without looking to see if they were behind me.

Current Mood: aggravated
Thursday, May 6th, 2004
4:55 pm
Working...it's always working
I hadn't left my office in a week. I'm glad there was a shower and bathroom through one door, or it would truly be henious in here.

Willow, is choosing love over us. I'm not sure how I feel about that. After all, I met her back in the old days before I...well, before.

But she is one of the strongest Wiccian's in the world. I wonder if anyone ever told her that. Not my place, I suppose.

But still Cordelia was sick. And I wasn't going to stop, to give up on one of us. Perhaps that was the problem.

Willow was't one of us. Neither was Lindsey. And I didn't trust him any further than I trusted Lilah. Perhaps they were both in it together.

If we lose the best witch, we lose. Wouldn't that be interesting?

Pushes the button for his assistant

"Oh, Ben. Please, get me all the information we have on Lindsey McDonald. And see if you can find Lilah. I think we need to talk." I let go of the button, checked my desk drawn once again for my gun, and waited.

Current Mood: anxious
Saturday, May 1st, 2004
5:20 pm
Back to Sunnydale
I couldn't believe it. I might, and I say might only, have found help for Angel. Needing to stake him was the last thing I wanted. Anyone wanted. Still, sometimes, you have to put a mad dog down. I only hoped it hadn't come to that. On the other hand, if he hurts anyone I care about, which granted is a short list, I won't mind taking him out. Mad dog and all.

I'd had my cell turned off for quite a while now, as I wasn't getting much coverage outside of Sunnydale proper. I must change services. I rolled into Sunnydale right at dusk. Not my favorite time to be out at night over a Hellmouth, but I had my gadgets. I will never be the same man I was when I came into town so long ago.

Now, I was ready. My old, celtic cross was around my neck. It held the same power as any "normal" cross. Both arms were loaded, one with stakes, and one with blades. And the nice buldge at the side of my jacket gave me a feeling of fake immortality. Even my shoes were decked out. After all, sooner or later, I have to see a man.

First, I had to find Willow. She wasn't at my apartment, which is where I had expressly asked her to stay. I drove around to her apartment. By now, full dark had fallen, and stepped out of the car. The building looked dark, and quiet. Not to be cliche, but too dark. If something happened to Willow...

I found my way inside, and climbed the stairs, as stethiliy as I could. When I reached the top however, her door was open.

"Willow?" I called into the darkness softly.

Current Mood: worried
Saturday, September 6th, 2003
9:02 am
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